Legend, I Am

I'm fairly tired of the hype surrounding Will Smith's new vehicle, "I Am Legend". I cannot count the number of people in my life who have asked me if I liked it yet, and it only came to theaters 2 days ago. It seems people who know me expect this movie to be right up my alley because it has "bitchin' vampires and shit" in it. Normally, they'd probably be right. It does sound right up my ally. Especially the "bitchin' vampires" part. I suspect the reason why many people think I would enjoy this movie is because there are many movies with the same premise that I do enjoy. A story about an isolated survivor(s), trapped in a desolate location, surrounded by monsters, wallowing in despair. Recent examples include "The Mist" and "30 Days of Night".

Back to the point. The reasons I'm not excited for "I Am Legend" are three fold:

1) I read the book. It's probably the greatest example of vampire, genre fiction ever. EVER. I'm looking at you Anne Rice.

2) I liked "The Omega Man" AND "The Last Man on Earth." Do I really need to see another version of the same material?

3) It stars Will Smith.

A good many people have argued with me endlessly about that third point (and the first two, although to lesser extents). But I submit to you now evidence that Will Smith ruins everything he touches.

a) I, Robot
b) Independence Day
c) Wild, Wild West (both the movie and the music video. I'll never forgive you MTV.)
d) I, Robot
e) The Legend of Bagger Vance
f) Men in Black II (Really, how hard is it to play a straightman against Tommy Lee Jones' funny man act? Really, how hard?)
g) The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Seasons 3-6.
h) I, Robot
i) Enemy of the State
j) Shark Tale
k) and finally, I, Robot

Did I mention "I, Robot"? Really? I didn't? Well, then, "I, Robot" sucked hard.

May I also mention that the novel "I, Robot" is also a fine example of fantastic, classic genre fiction, much like "I Am Legend," and lookey what happened there. They took the title, a dash of the basic laws of robotics, a pinch of some made up stupid action sci-fi story, a whole crapload of bad cgi effects, put it all in a blender and poured it onto celluloid. Also, they cast Will Smith in the lead role. Will "I'm an Action Hero" Smith. Will "I'm so cool. I was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Remember that show? Everyone loves it. You still know the damn theme song, don't you? That's right, love me and give me your money" Smith.

Will Smith ruins everything he touches.

And don't give me that "Pursuit of Happyness" or "Hitch" crap. I'm not buying it.

The only thing that really bothers me about all of this is that a few reviewers I trust have ended up recommending this movie to me. Maybe I will enjoy this movie if I ever get over myself, shut up, and just go see it.

Only one way to find out I suppose.

But really, how much better would this movie have been if Christian Bale had been cast as Robert Neville. Sigh. Oh well, don't mind me, I just have a man crush on Christian Bale. In a completely hetero-way though, I assure you.


Speaking of which, did any of you see "3:10 to Yuma"? No? Shame on you. It was great, and I don't even like Russell Crowe.


Anonymous said...

Oh come on! How 'bout when he's hitting golf balls of the aircraft carrier.

Or how, in every preview, you hear him go "LET ME SAVE YOU!"

Cause, he's a doctor, you know.

Will Smith is a doctor. With science skills.

So, he's like you. . .Only black.